AT LAST! Proof of Global Warming

Scientists just agreed in US congress how to interpret data collected from our earth. After they finally agreed HOW to read the data the determined how much our earth is warming up. They did all of this by voting (I am not making this up). I'm glad we can vote and make our earth warmer or cooler (it is like a road trip through the universe).

My history students often ask me about global warming because they know it will set me off and I gladly go off on how it is a bunch of garbage. Global warming is a way for environmental lobbyist to get money, a way to keep citizens in fear so we can be controlled by our governments, and how do we know it exists in the first place? There are far too few scientist making measurements around our globe and our instruments are not capable of it. Plus much much more.

Yet with all of this ranting and raving, I have managed to find proof of global warming [which makes me look like a buffoon--whimper]

Swimming suits in the 1920s













Swimming Suit in the 1950s















Swimming Suit in the 1990s




















Swimming Suit in 2000










Given the amount of research and data I have collected from this scientific study, I have decided that global warming must exist (or we have a fabric shortage). Given that this is the case, I predict that our globe will be 2.34840193 degrees warmer in 100 years (and we'll all swim "in the raw"). I can predict this because my student workers and I took a vote and decided that it was reality. REALLY, no one knows anyhow so why does it matter?

Super Ninja Monkey

Check out the super ninja monkey. I LOVE MONKEYS!

Draw A House.Com

Click here to view my house

Here is my house. Check it out it is a masterpiece of Kindergarden proportions! I got this from Cousin Ryan's Site which I have added under my Links.

The Mother Load

I have come across one of the most sensational literature sites in the world. It has thousands of full text books by tons of authors. I read one of my fav novels of all time here in full text (1984). It also has Edgar Allen Poe (one of my favs.). There is sure to be something for everyone...OH and it's free.

The Literature Network: Online Classic Literature

Mad TV Greece

I have added Mad TV Greece to my list of links. I love this site (of course it helps if you know some Greek) but their streaming videos are exactly what you see on TV in Greece (pretty low budget but fun). We spent WAY too much time watching this program. Essentially it is MTV for Greece (only better).

Change Me

A student told me about this website. It is thought provolking. Check it out.

http://changeme.gettyimages.com

The Mystery

So, Buford my printer is officially dead. The tech morticians took him away (and it took more than one). My students have been rejoicing because it has postponed such things as tests and quizzes. I have the craziest story though.
One morning last week, a printer mysteriously appeared on our front porch with an attached note indicating that the printer was a donation to the teacher's cause. It is incredible! What student does something like that. I am blown away by the whole thing. Yet, I didn't feel right giving a brutal quiz freshly printed off of the phantom printer the day it arrived on our front porch.
It is true that being a teacher can be a brutal job sometimes but occasionally there is a glimpse of what my students are capable of and what how they want to live their lives. I am fortunate. Anyhow, the new printer "Agent 006" is named after this year's senior class (even though Agent 006 died in one of the Bond films).
In related news, we have 4 weeks of school left... (perhaps it is not good for teachers to rejoice but I am looking forward to a bit of a break).

Kiss of Death

I was thinking about death and dying today. I don't especially know why. No one, I know, has died recently. This thought was spurred by my printer (his name is Buford). Buford, and I am not making this up, is a product of the late 1980s or early 1990s. He weighs 86.3 lbs (no joke) and takes a hand truck to move. With all of that mass you would think that the print quality would be sensational. However, I think a drunk spastic monkey with no actual "appendages" or "functioning" brain could produce better work in a much shorter period of time. Apparently he has decided he despises me and for two days has refused to produce anything unless it is a mangled page covered in black dusty toner which goes everywhere. Yes, I do spend too much time alone grading papers and Yes I do talk to my printer. You know that scene in Office Space where they kidnap the printer? IT'S ON SMALLS! THE SMACKDOWN COMETH!

A contributing factor was my lunch time (12 min. today but that is the nature of the job). I arrived home to find that Zoe (my Jedi in training) had unleashed all of her 6 lb. fury upon one of the house plants. I think it was a trying battle but eventually the houseplant caved and sacrificed its life for...well...nothing. I guess not all was a loss. I did laugh to see a huge shredded leaf stuck to Zoe's bearded face. She's the cutest little bearded thing.

Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney is coming to Spokane to say Hi to our personnel at the air force base. I think it is a nice gesture and I hope they return fire.

More Funny Student Comments

"I don't bite. I nipple."

"Some people are just repulsive"

"Conserve toilet paper, use both sides."

"Kinky and Religion don't really go together."

"Your insolence vexes me so that sometimes I fantasize that you would prove your mortality"

"That dress is so small. I'd find more cotton in an advil bottle."

And there are more to come I am sure...

My Favorite Student Blunders

My boyfriend is really a eunuch person.
******
I want my boyfriend to propose to me in pubic. A pubic proposal is much more enjoyable than in private.
******
I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting.
******
My relationship with my ax girlfriend was so painful.
******
There were no many bears in flour mill forest plains without the giant runny stream of smallpox. Those poor Indians.
******
What is circumcision?
******

A Delighted Democrat

There is no more pleasure to my life than exercising my power as a citizen to make my president dance. What a wonderful feeling it is to get straight to the white house and have the president comply with my demands.

Make Bush Dance Here: http://www.dancingbush.com/

Potty Talk

Check out this little survey. You may learn something about yourself.

http://www.bathroomsurvey.com/

My Ancient Manuscript

Walla Walla College still has my website up. I don't know why since I've been out of college for several years. However, my Out of context quotes are still fun.

check it out at: http://people.wwc.edu/student/jankma/quotes_out_of_context.htm

I just found it again and it still makes me smile.

Mullet Mania Baby!

Business up front. Party in Back!
To say that the mullet is a hairstyle barely even scratches the surface of the issue. The mullet is a way of life, it is a state of mind, it is every person who wears it. Physically it is characterized by short hair on the top, front, and sides of the head, followed by a long drape of hair on the back, reaching at least to the middle of the spine. Typical accessories to the mullet include moustaches, scraggly beards and/or goatees, and sunglasses. Research on the mullet phenomena, at this stage, is still in its infancy. However it is suggested by many top laboratories that the mullet, as it slowly reaches maturity, begins to grow tentacles into the brain of the victim. which affect several areas of the brain and fundamentally alter the candidate's actions and behavioral responses. Said behavioral changes mainly include extreme aggression, lack of hygiene, dramatic reduction in inhibitions (often bolstered by the consumption of alcohol), sense of paranoia and distrust towards authority/governmental figures, and most importantly - steadily decreasing IQ levels. I would stress that these are only preliminary details however, and the controversial nature of the theory renders it unsuitable for mass publication. - as defined by Rate My Mullet.

Scientists have received 2 million Euros for research into the effect of the Mullet on Laboratory mice. Further Reports to follow.

The Wrestler

Hey look! I'm a Wrestling Champion! Sweet. Wrap me in spanex and let me loose. I'm a fury of teeth, nails, and pure unrefined rage.

Check out my record at: http://www.wrestlinghalloffame.org/champions/?names&wrestler=2306

Zoe Wars

The force is strong with this one (especially after she eats peanut butter). I, Darth Vader, have a new padawan. The Empire will return under her powers more dark than any sith lord has ever achieved. More tenacious, more violent, more abrupt barking, and yes more chewing than any previous Jedi. Nothing can stop her concentration (unless it is food).

In the bowels of a Schnauzer was born a true fighter of epic, 6 pound, proportions. She is the cutest female with a beard and is capable of jumping 4 times her height (without using the force).

My padawan Zoe and I, Darth Vader, will strike when you least expect. We will torment the universe by doing the most mundane of all tasks. Skywalker will not stand forever!

Stay tuned for the next episode of ZOE WARS. Coming soon to a kennel near you.

Jack v. Jack In The Box.

After watching this week's episode of 24 there are approximately 2.3 characters left on the show. Most of them have been killed by nerve gas. The suspense is so intense that I can smell it like incense in my underpence.

I have determined that there is only one thing that can save this show now...Chuck Norris.

Not Even Jack Bauer can touch the round-house kicking 66 year old acting genious of the Chuck.

Although Jack is prettier.

I don't know. 24 is getting too depressing to watch. They keep killing all of the characters and the terrorists are really pathetic. I mean, really, are they going to wait 60 min. in their plan just so we can watch Jack Bauer try to save the day, lose his daughter, and watch the rest of the cast die.

What the writers of 24 won't tell us is that Jack Bauer has the ability to save other people's lives and to restore their life but he won't do it because he's afraid of...CHUCK NORRIS.

OK I find Chuck Norris as entertaining as an empty tube of toothpaste but 24 is starting to irk me. Let's move on with the show people and drop the soap opera which killed the O.C. (or was it a round-house kick from Chuck Norris that killed the O.C.?). Honestly, I'd rather watch Jack Bauer duke it out with the Jack In The Box guy. Imagine the possibilities...we would be rid of an obnoxious fast food icon and Jack Bauer could regain his image ("the tough guy") by beating up a pimply teenager in a comical head.

Peace, Love, and other fuzzy emotional words!