How Bambi's Dad died and why I'm a total loser.

Daily, I read the news from a variety of sources from around the world (and in a few languages to boot). However, there are few stories which I believe are worth noting in a blog. Most are notable for history's sake or for comic relief (these I share with my students) but few inspire me to become a better person. From time to time, there is a story which is inspirational to the point that I simply contemplate how lame my life is. The latest story inspires all those traits that make a man a man. The raw grit, the testosterone-pumping, sweaty muscles, mustache wearing, and champion of bodily functions...this is MAN. I, of course, am referring to one Greg Vincent of Trumann, Arkansas who, last week, killed a deer with his bare hands.

Greg took his 13 year old son and his nephew on a hunting trip. While walking around they were stopped by a six point buck which blocked their path. Greg pulled out his knife as a joke (killing animals is a joke for boys). The buck, who didn't like the joke, started snorting and pawing the ground. It charged and Greg grabbed it by one of its antlers. He then swung past its daggers of death and plunged the knife into the side of the deer while gripping its neck.

The animal continued to fight and took Greg into a stream bed. The knife fell from Greg's hand and one of the boys got it back to their dad (who was still WWF wrestling the buck). Greg then plunged the knife into the deer's neck and jerked as hard as he could to try to rip some vital arteries.

This is one of my favorite lines in the story so I must quote it: "The deer continued to struggle but was growing weaker. Vincent, who was a competitive weightlifter in high school, was tiring, too."

I love that line. It is as if competitive weightlifters can bring in the smack down on deer. I just imagine some washed up high school jock who still lives in the past running out into the woods to take on a deer after reading this story. Oh the humanity.

All in all this story is inspirational to me because it really makes me think that no man is really a MAN until he has killed a deer with his bare hands. Let's face it, most of us would run the other way screaming like little children. WAIT! The little children in this story are there to help take this deer down. They also have more guts than most of the men on this earth.

As a social experiment, I would like to let a deer loose in The Gap or at a Starbucks just to see how the men reacted. It would be total pandemonium as chairs few in all directions, antlers sent CD racks flying, and a bunch of thin men in gray tight pants and blue dress shirts went running for the door.

And then I would arrive and flex my muscles inside my spandex suit, stare down the deer and, merely by looking at it in a fierce and intense way, cause its body to explode (because, let's face it, that is the only thing that can be any cooler than what Greg Vincent did).

So, now you know how Bambi's dad died. It was me...but don't tell anyone. Actually, the only thing I could do with a story like this is make a graphic of a road sign with a little karate guy kicking a deer in the back of the head. How lame is that?

Until next time, greekspeedoman.

Some really fresh guys called Falling UP

Last night, the Mrs. and I attended a concert for Falling Up. If you have eagerly read my blogs (which are not posted often and poor in quality), you'll have noticed my review of their then new album. Now they have a new one.

Also a band from a previous post, Seven Years Absence opened for falling up. This is a nice resume moment for them. For me, it is like watching my child become fully mature from the times we recorded in my studio to opening for falling up (or whatever other emotional stuff you want to put here). It was a good show.

Here is a run-down of the concert. There were 4 bands (Seven Years Absence, The Renewing, We as Human, and Falling Up). Almost everyone there was 1/2 my age and looked prepubescent. Little boys with their wispy chin hairs and girls with their cell phones and giggles. So the wife and I went up into the balcony and sat up there. It was also an ideal spot to shoot photos for the evening's bands.

Seven Years Absence: A solid set of songs. I like the new material - 3rd song especially. Apparently, SYA is recording that song today (at least when I spoke with Nick this morning). They have tightened up their stuff. A new drum set has made their sound fuller. I especially like the kick drum. All in all, a nice set of songs and well done for being spread out across a large stage. In my opinion, SYA had a lot more going on than the second band. SYA should have been the second act.

The Renewing: if there music were to ever grace the shelf of your library, I can garantee that there would be no renewing of their material. It was really bad. The singer was flat, the guitar muddy and out of tune. It was like watching a 17 year old play guitar in front of people because he is the concert hall's son or something (OH wait, I think that is actually what the Renewing is...how silly of me). I cannot say enough bad things about them. Stage presence was lousy, too much aimless talking between songs, it just made me want to go get a warm beverage and wait for them to finish (which we did).

We as Human: This is a band that has strong potential to get signed to a label. They were a nice change from the teenage embarrassment of The renewing. Their first song took me by surprise because they have excellent stage presence. It was also much louder and filled with gritty screaming. Overall, their set was alright. The last song seemed to showcase the band's potential the most. The most distracting element of their set was some guy who was running around on stage with a little digital camera shooting close-ups of the band. To me, that was unprofessional and very distracting. I actually shot several pictures of him as he wallowed on the floor in front of the lead singer. In short, We as Human needed one fewer humans.

Falling Up: A spectacular show. They outdid themselves with this concert. I am always leary of seeing bands in concert (especially those who's recorded work is good) because I fear that they'll be lousy live. Falling Up in concert makes their albums look thin and transparent. They outdo their recorded work. The Lead singer's sustain and tone of his voice are awe inspiring. The drummer's hair ads and element of fun to some spectacular musicianship. The guitarist's take on music is refreshing in that it seems his goal is to add to the music rather than be the guitar god. An excellent set. They are also some pretty down to earth and nice guys.



Aside from finding a boa constrictor in my printer at work (I am not making this up), these are the most recent adventures of the GSM.

When my moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie...that's Amore!

The Mrs. and I just returned from our summer holiday and 5th wedding anniversary (which is why I haven't blogged recently). We spent 2 days in Missoula, MT and then 7 in Sun Valley, ID. It was good times and fun. It is nice to be married 5 years to my lovely wife and to celebrate this little milestone with a vacation. A few noteworthy items from our trip are as follows.

1. We met someone who is almost famous.
2. We met someone who is famous.
3. I almost died.
4. I accidentally mooned someone.

1. We met someone who is almost famous. Sun Valley is a resort town with miles of biking trails, snow skiing galore, and really really expensive and boring shopping. It is a fun place to hang out. It is historically known as one of the favorite places for the Kennedy family and Arnold Schwarzenegger to vacation as well as Warren Miller, tons of ice skaters, musicians, writers and other famous people (like me).

On one particular evening we were hanging out by the swan pond and struck up a conversation with a few people near by us. The woman we talked with the most is George Nethercutt's sister. This is why I say we met someone who is almost famous. I know George Nethercutt (R) of Washington state and long time friend of the city of Spokane. However, I did not know that he had a sister (although it isn't too much of a stretch to think that his parents wanted more than one child). This whole meeting was fun but rather anti-climatic. To say you met someone almost famous is like saying "I almost got hit by a car". There really isn't much story to tell. No one will ask for a book deal or the rights to make a TV mini series because nothing of consequence really happened. Yet, it seems to be human nature to pass on these exciting tid bits of non information (and who am I to break with human nature).

2. We met someone who is famous. On one of our numerous bike rides, we were cruising along when we pedaled around a corner in the bike path and saw a man and his dog walking. He gave a quiet command and his beautiful dog obediently sat and waited for us to pass. As I got closer to this man, I noticed that he was probably 40 years old but dressed like he is 18. Therefore, using my wife's excellent deductive reasoning, he must be in a band. In fact, I know he is in a band. I recognized one of the tattoos on his arm and then when I saw his face I had no doubt. We met Chad Smith (drummer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers) walking his dog on the trail. I had one of those overwhelming urges to turn my bike around and go chat with him but he looked like he was at peace and I didn't want to disturb him. Also, I was wearing my spandex triatholon bike shorts (which leave little to the imagination) and didn't think I could have a normal conversation with the man in my compressed-flesh outfit. It wasn't until 5 minuites later (when my brain returned to my body) that I remembered that he is the member of a band which wears only a strategically placed tube sock on stage. I have nothing to be embarrassed about in my spandex (seriously, I am a hot chunk of man chicken who can stop traffic with a single flex).

3. I almost died. There is a hill that goes through a neighboring community that is steep. This of course is the ideal place to ride a bicycle at top speed. I rode this hill several times throughout the week and averaged 37MPH on my plunge to the bottom. However, on our last ride of the week, I wanted to see what would happen if I really got after my bike and pushed myself. The picture tells all. It isn't the fastest I've ever gone on a bicycle (52mph) but it is the fastest I have gone over an unseen manhole cover that was sunk 3 inches into the road. Yes, I almost donated my organs to science but luckily, at my pace, the bicycle hit the edge of the hole in the road and took to the air. I probably landed 30 feet further down the road and continued pedaling for a new land speed record. How would I describe the feeling? Let's just say that I almost did something involuntary and messy. It was fun...although a little anticlimactic.

4. I accidentally mooned someone. At an intersection of the bike path and a road, I paused my pedaling to allow an SUV pass. The driver of the SUV waved me through the intersection. I quickly stood up on my rolling bicycle to clip my feet into the pedals. When I did this, the horn of my bicycle seat caught the back of my Spandex triathlon shorts and pulled them down as I scooted back onto the seat. There was a pedestrian behind me. I don't know anything about the person behind me because I simply stood up, pulled my pants up, and rode off without looking back. I think I know the pedestrian's thoughts though.

"Oh my sweet Moses, that is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I'll bet you could park a bicycle in that."

I, of course, edited out all of the pedestrian's swearing and spontaneous vomiting. As well as the searing sound when their retinas were burned out of existence. I guess that is what happens when you encounter such physical greatness. "Chiseled" is probably the best adjective to describe this entire event.

until next time....

greekSPANDEXman

Failure

Some friends of ours had their first child today. He is a beautiful little guy and the parents are fascinated by him. We waited for months and hours through the labor process and out comes this little healthy chap. It is amazing to think about the potential that can be found within a small child. This is why parenting is so vital for the success of society. As a teacher, I can literally point to the students in my classroom who have had conscientious parents, no parents, or too restrictive parents. The problem is knowing how much responsibility to give a child while remaining a relevant guiding force in that child's life. Most important is allowing our children to fail in a safe environment.

I often learn more about people when they fail than when they are successful. The student who threatens to call his/her parents when they receive an undesirable grade (even though they won't take responsibility for it AND I am not intimidated by any parent). Or blaming your hurtful racial comments on society rather than taking credit for them yourself. We have a choice when we fail: "Cringe in embarrassment, or wear failure as a noble scar" (Forbes 2007).

I think of Dante Alighieri who started out being betrayed, exiled, defaced, and financially ruined when his house was burned. Yet, years later he finished his hellish work "Inferno". Despite all of his failures, he is remembered for his literary contribution and for creatively putting his rivals into his book and, in his book, into hell. What about Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni? He was badgered by a cardinal in the catholic church for years and when his last work in the Sistine Chapel was revealed, that cardinal was in his painting shown being pulled into hell by demons.

F. Scott Fitzgerald is an American icon for 20th century literature. Yet, I dare say that he didn't think of success when he died at the age of 44, penniless, an alcoholic, and with all of his books out of print (at the time).

It is a matter of perspective. Dante begins his book with "Midway on our life's journey, I found myself in dark woods, the right road lost...." There is a long scary journey through the nine circles of hell but eventually Dante comes out alright at the end of his book. I hope that life for our little ones can be the same.

Taking the Challenge: Irony

In my previous post, I ripped on Alanis Morrisette's 1990's radio hit "Isn't It Ironic". dr spartacus requested that I rewrite the lyrics of her song (most of which I argued were not ironic) so that they actually were ironic. Here is dr spartacus's request:

"Request:
I would like the Greek Speedoman to re-write the words of this classic '90's hit so that the situations of each line remains basically the same (knives vs. spoons, etc.), but are actually ironic."

SO, I thought I would take the challenge. As stated in my previous blog, I believe one of her statements is actually ironic (a man afraid of flying who dies his first time on a plane).

The original lyric will be featured in Blue and my comments/additions will be in green. I have made no attempt at keeping the rhythm and pace of the song the same. I am simply concerned with attempting to make these statements ACTUALLY ironic.

1. An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day when he realized how much money he had won.

2. It's a black fly in your Chardonnay that you're drinking to celebrate killing off a plague of flies.

3.It's a death row pardon two minutes too late for someone who is guilty.

4. It's like rain on your wedding day and you're the wicked witch in the wizard of Oz.

5. It's a free ride when you've already paid but the free ride is from a serial killer.

6. Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
(I agree with this one. However, what would make it more ironic is if the man didn't know that he was in fact...Superman.)

7. A traffic jam when you're already late for a meeting about the efficiency of a city's road systems.

8. A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break and you're the Marlboro man.

9. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife to open the packaging of your new knife.

10. It's meeting the man of my dreams -who is not attracted to you-
And then meeting his beautiful wife -who is attracted to you-

So there is my attempt at creating ACTUAL irony. This was a fun assignment. Let me know how I did.

Here are a few more lines that are not/somewhat ironic but are funny.

3.It's a death row pardon two minutes too late because of daylight savings time.
3.It's a death row pardon two minutes too late because the messenger was murdered.
4. It's like rain on your wedding day and you're a weather man.
1. An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day when he was defending himself from his greedy children.
1. An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day leaving his fortune to Anna Nichole Smith.
5. It's a free ride when you've already paid for a ride on the Titanic.
5. It's a free ride when you've already paid for a ride in Paris Hilton's car.
It's the good advice you just didn't take because you're Dr. Phil.

Isn't it Ironic - Polling the People

Recently, I overheard a 1990's classic song from the "man-hater" Alanis Morrisette. It is entitled "Isn't it Ironic". I overheard the lyrics and was curious what the average person would think about them. Basically, my main objective was to determine whether or not Alanis had written a song on the topic of Irony.

My Testing Method:

Since I am a teacher, testing comes naturally to me and so I determined to do this in the most objective way. I asked 10 different people about each line (without telling them that it is from a 1990s radio hit-although some knew it was), which I chose, from "Isn't It Ironic". Then I collected their statements for my reader's personal enlightenment. Many of the responses are the same so I will only list the unique responses to a line of lyric. The lyric is in a blue font and my test subject's responses are in an orange font.

1. An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day

• "I'll be his grandchild"
• "Later Pops and thanks for the cash"
• "That Sucks"
  

2. It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

• "A fly might help chardonnay...I hate chardonnay"
• "Gross"
• Most people simply laughed at this one as if mocking the unfortunate soul.
  

3.It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic...don't cha think

• "That Sucks"
• "How Sad...think of his mother..."

4. It's like rain on your wedding day

• "Oh, how awful"
• "I had rain on my wedding day"
• "aaaahaaaa"
• "That would suck"
  

5. It's a free ride when you've already paid

• "oh crap"
• "That sucks"
• "I'd just ask for my money back...what's wrong with that?"
  

6. Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

• "At least he kissed his kids goodbye."
• "I'd like to die really fast like that."
• "Was this guy at terrorist?"
• "That Sucks."
  

7. A traffic jam when you're already late

• "I hate that."
• "What is with that? There is always some little old woman in a piece of crap car in front of me!"
• "Murphy's law gets me all of the time"
• "That just pisses me right off."
• "It makes me want to kill someone" (I backed slowly away from this person after their response)
  
• "That really sucks."
  

8. A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

• "Aren't smokers like cursed or something?"
• "I don't know. I don't get cigarette breaks because I don't smoke."
• "Burn the sign too!"
• "Smokers are so gross I'm glad you can't smoke much anymore."
• "Just shoot yourself. It's faster and we don't have to listen to you."

9. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

• "Sharpen the spoon."
• "Who has 10,000 spoons? are they Heroine addicts?"
• "Use the handle. That way you have both 10,000 spoons and 10,000 knives"
  

10. It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

• "That sucks. Why are they always married?"
• "I really wouldn't know. My wife probably wouldn't approve."
• "That happened to me. He was really cute too. That really sucks."
• "That sucks"

So, there you have it. I was surprised to find how many people thought that those things just suck. Not a single person told me that they thought they were ironic. Perhaps my test subjects have no literary background or, like me, think that this song is simply stupid. I tend to agree with the general outcome of my study. None of Alanis Morrisette's "ironic" statements seem to be ironic (except for the guy who dies in the plan crash). I must agree that most of those things simply...SUCK.

I an now confidently state that I think that the lyrics of "Isn't It Ironic" suck. I also don't care much for the music behind the lyrics and think it sucks too! So, in my critical objective opinion, "Isn't It Ironic" simply SUCKS.

Of course, what IS ironic about this song is that it is supposed to be about irony but fails to describe it.

Satan Airways

One of my students was telling me about a bad vacation his family recently took and it got me thinking about one of ours which I will now share with you.

We flew to Greece so I could study more of the Greek language. We lived there for a number of months and I learned some but realized that I was already decent at the language. On our flight to Athens we encountered the most demonic and evil flight attendant crew I have ever met. Since meeting these Greek women, I have taken to shouting at my students in Greek -which they don't understand- just to see the terror in their eyes (I do this jokingly of course...). I usually say something like "Your refrigerator is very cold" but in a really angry tone of voice...the same tone of voice that our flight attendants used on us.

I wish that I had known that the flight attendants we flew with were rigorously trained to hate everyone and treat everyone -even each other- like the most vile lump of flesh on the planet. They physically accosted me and pushed me back to my seat when I tried to get up to use the toilet (and the seatbelt light was off). They gave us soul damning looks when we got up to get our books out of our carry on luggage. I jokingly suggested to my wife that they change their pre-flight protocol to let passengers know that, instead of flying somewhere, they had just entered the seventh layer of hell.

Here is what I suggest for their new safety speech before their flights:

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for flying Satan airways flight 666 from New York to Athens. We hope you enjoy us hating you for the next 18 hours. This is a non-stop flight which means you will be tormented the entire way. Before we take off, we must subject our employees to violent verbal and physical abuse so they can serve us better. We also need to tell you about the safety features of this aircraft.

1. There are six emergency exits: two in the front, two in the middle, and two at the rear of the airplane. These do not include the big exit that will be made upon impact.
2. This is a no smoking flight. Anyone caught smoking on this flight will be escorted out of the aircraft for our in-flight movie: Gone With The Wind.
3. If you take off your seat belt at any time during this flight, a little alarm will go off in our employee's heads and they will attack you as if you were a disease infested weasel. Please cooperate and do not duck. As our employees will be trying to pummel your head into a non-descriptive pink mass.
   
4. If the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling panel above your head. To use the oxygen mask, stop screaming and put it over your mouth and nose. Give the little hose a tug and breath normally -as we plummet to the earth. If you are traveling with a child, put the child's mask on first and then your own. If you are traveling with two children, decide which of the two children you love the most.
5. In the event of a water landing -we prefer the word "landing" as opposed to "crash"- your seat will act as a flotation device...at least until the sharks come. Then it will act as a bobber. To defend yourself against a shark attack, punch the shark smartly in the nose. If that doesn't work, poke it in the eye with your stub.

Thank-you once again for flying Satan airways flight 666 from New York to Athens. We hope you have a dreadful flight.

Operation Wal-mart Freedom

Recently, I was shopping at the only department mega store that is so large that it could have its own climate. Yes, I was at Wal-Mart (motto: We'll take your money and then your soul). I was there for the same reasons many Americans shop there. It is cheap (a nice perception but not always the truth) and everything can be found under one roof (again a nice perception). So I purchased a case of 10W-30 motor oil. Then I gleefully left to cleanse the engine of my auto. On my 45 min commute back to the house, I needed gasoline. So I stopped at the local fueling station only to find a news truck and a note-toting reporter preparing for a broadcast.

I find it interesting how the local news approaches the topic of auto fuel. There is always some jovial character anchoring the news and they talk (via satellite) to an on-site reporter who is strategically positioned in front of a sign advertising the prices per gallon. This humors me because Americans are almost as dependent on gasoline as we are on blood in our veins, water in our bodies, and Wal-Mart on our streets. We see these pumps ALL OF THE TIME, we know the prices! But that fact does not deter the mindless reporter who continues the monologue about all of this grievances people have over gasoline prices because of the war. What the reporter fails to note is, unlike wars of the past, we are not rationing our resources. Where are the liberty gardens of WWII? Where are the lines of vehicles for fuel rations during Vietnam?

This past week the US congress met to discuss a new budget for the war in Iraq. They substantially slashed Bush's requested budget (for the Iraqi war) to a tidy $609 bil for the next two fiscal years. This really sounds like a lot of money (my history students marveled at that sum of money). Yet, this price tag accounts for only about 1% of the national budget. By the end of the year 2007 we will have officially made the second conflict with Iraq the most expensive war the United States has ever been involved in (even greater than that of WWII). When we can wage the most expensive war in all history and only notice a few cents of difference at the store, we are loaded. Lesson to learn: America is richer than it has ever been. During WWII 35% of the national budget was consumed by war efforts. Rations were common, people were encouraged to grow gardens, and excess was having a little change in your pocket at the end of the day. How different it is in our contemporary times.

As a point of interest, I looked up the projected gross profits for Wal-Mart for the 2007-08 fiscal year. As it turns out, Wal-Mart's estimated gross profits are double what the United States has set aside to fight the war in Iraq. Accountants will tell you to look at a person's budget and spending habits and you can then learn a person's priorities. So where are America's priorities? Why?

Think about it! Wal-mart could take over a foreign country. Its troops (armed with laser scanners and clipboards) would march into combat with the customer service skills that fit their extensive customer service training (daily beatings with rubber hoses and verbal abuse). These blue-vested geriatrics & teens would flash their name tags and ruthlessly ignore the enemy until they simply give up and go to Shopko. That is what Wal-mart could do to another country. It is a grizzly scene. I know this scene because Wal-mart HAS decided to take over a country -its own.

Until it succeeds though, I hope that the men and women of the world -who daily put their lives on the line- don't mind if I ignore their sacrifice and instead choose to complain about the extra 30 cents I have to pay at the pump.

Old People

Yes, it is alumni weekend at the high school. Old people come and wander around to look at how things have changed and to see if their favorite make-out spot is still available (probably occupied by current students). It is 9 years for me and next year I plan to drive my fantastic car and wear my amazing clothes to make everyone think I am super fly (or whatever these teens say now days). Isn't that what it is all about? Look at how spectacular I am, I bought a red Ford.

There is nothing quite as comforting as growing older. I am glad those pimple inducing, relationship drama, backstabbing years of teenage hood are gone (actually for some it is only the pimples that have changed). When I look back on my high school years, I realize how retarded we all were in our flannel "Nirvana-style" shirts. At least I thought that until I read this week that Courtney Love is finally selling Kurt Cobain's stuff at auction. She says that she still sleeps in his pajamas (now that is really lame). The only Teen Spirit that is left is their son, who has to be messed up - just look at his mother's life and father's death.

The teens of today have more technology at their fingertips than we ever did. Cell phones actually fit in your pocket now...and get pretty good coverage (much to the frustration of many teachers). Today's teenager thinks that dial-up internet connections are contemporaries with feudalism and the invention of the wheel. Hasn't the internet ALWAYS existed? Exercise is laughable when compared to the thrill gained through gaming and chatting. Maybe this is why education in america is hummoraging.

The Gates Foundation just opened a new "smart school" (which at the rate of change in technology will soon be a "stupid school") in an inner part of LA. The idea is refreshing to this teacher. All classrooms are paper free. Class moves around the facility, depending on what the teacher wants to accomplish, and all class times and meeting places are posted on the school's intra net. Much of the material students will be involved with will LITERALLY involve them physically, mentally, and socially. Gaming companies are writing software to teach students while they play (of course 1st person shooters at school is taboo). I guess what I am saying is that it is time for change. To think that pure lecture and current assessment methods is the best way to teach is blind and ignorant to the network effect the modern student (or terrorist) has available to them.

Unfortunately, many of the teachers who I discuss this with in Spokane are resistant to this change because it would mean more education classes (why bother when you're getting paid less than someone who works at McDonald's 5 days a week...Seriously where are our priorities). Also, many old timers are not nearly as adept at technology as their students and it is simply embarrassing. So we stick with the same old methods of teaching and our students grow up with little interest in self improvement because it isn't relevant.

This is something to think about when wandering your old snogging points at your high school reunion. If the trees are bigger, the buildings different, and the kids look different...then times have changed and so must we.

Bits and Pieces

To my faithful readers (meaning just myself because it has been forever since my last post)...

The past few months have found me in various states of repair because chaos has decided to take over life. The short version is that I now have no appendix, missed 4.5 weeks of work due to further illness, and really hate fresh dog droppings on my dress shirts. So now I am one dress shirt fewer, have a 5 inch scar (which is totally brutal from my 10 staples!), and am thankful every time I can stand without the world spinning faster than it should (Scientists say: "about 1,038 miles per hour").

The New puppy is super cute and is basically potty trained. She is more mellow than Zoe. I hope to make a Star Wars shot with her as I did with Zoe in my March of 2006 with Zoe Wars (oh, and my Darth Vader suit has improved since then).

My recent bit of excitement comes in the form of a helmet and a coin (soon to be accompanied by more artifacts). My history students connect with history better if they can hold it in their hands so my collection of Confederate Money, Nazi money, etc. has slowly been growing. My most recent purchase is an M1 infantryman's helmet from Vietnam. It is the same style used during WWII (Band of Brothers etc.) but was much cheaper than one used in WWII. I haven't done all of the research on it yet but what I have found on the helmet so far is that it was in Vietnam by an army infantryman from '69 to '70 used by one of 5 different people (who I am currently trying to track down to see if I can identify which person was the one who owned the helmet).

It has a double shell with the outer one being steel and the inner fiberglass. The double shell design saved many people because a bullet would pass through the steel but get trapped between the fiberglass and steel. Therefore, saving a man's life. Of course a direct hit was usually fatal but the glancing bullet wouldn't hurt as much with this option.

SO enough nerding for now! Cheers to all my readers (...just me when I'm bored).

greekspeedoman

The family grows

My last post was in October. Some may have even given up on my blog and never visit again. Yet, this (as president Bush would say "Shock and Awe") mind-blowing blog is here to save my reputation. This may be as shocking as my favorite student comment so far this year (when writing a personal reflective essay).........."We not dumb". Hmmm...that might be debatable.

In recent months, many things have happened in life. More recording with Seven Years Absence, grading and other teacher stuff, making guitar effects pedals from scratch, rewiring and insulating my electric guitar, riding my bike, and writing. In the midst of all of this mayhem, our family is gaining another member. Zoe is going to have a sibling.

Sasha (Zoe's mom: the Black schnauzer) got impregnated and gave birth. She was enormous. Her water broke and she went into labor. 4 hours into the labor, no puppies had been born yet and she was rushed to the Vet. They x-rayed and found there were four puppies. One was stuck in the birth canal (and was dead). They did an emergency operating to extricate the remaining puppies. Before they could get to them all, another puppy broke out of the sack and died. Sasha ended up having only two puppies. She is in excruciating pain. Pain killers are not an option because she is nursing. Her incision is about 4 inches long (on a 12 lb. dog). The two surviving puppies are cute fat little things. Their paws are about the size of the end of a woman's little finger.

The darker puppy is the female and the pink nosed one is the male. Both are so cute and lovable. They are about the length of a person's hand and the diameter of a Costco hot dog. We have our choice of either or both dogs. The decision isn't made yet. Leave me a note to help us decide. We are also interested in doggy names if you have one to offer.


SO, until I write again (2012????). Blessings and Happy Holidays. May your Holiday season be filled with all those things that make our hearts warm and our bank accounts empty.

greekspeedoman

Music....MAN

So it has been like a million years since my last update. I have no reasons other than I am a teacher. Simply put, it is a busy job and, as you can tell, I'm aging quickly because of it!

So far school is going well. This year's seniors were my first class. I taught them as freshmen and now they are going to be leaving. At first I was pretty bummed about that but now I am happy for them (“I am happy for them” is code for “I want them to leave” he he. Not really but I think they will be ready soon and I can’t wait to see what they can accomplish). I moved my offices into the same area and now the Yearbook and I can communicate better. We also designed a killer cover for the book. It is pretty daring and edgy and may draw some criticism but I think it rocks. My yearbook staffs are amazing and creative.

The recording and mixing and recording and mixing etc… has continued for Seven Years Absence. We have been working on a soundtrack for a film being filmed in Chicago. Another song was recently picked up for a film being shown in Spokane at the FOX theater. That song is the one which has had the time pressures recently. It has been fun and a huge learning experience. I have heard the new song 1 second at a time about 300 times (pretty close to reality). I still like it and I think that is a good sign for the success of the band. It really is nice to work with such a great band. And the dog is getting used to having drums in the house. She’ll even hang out in the studio while we record some drum parts which almost inspire one to have an out of body experience.

There is some music which has lit my head on fire recently. Three albums in specific. Falling Up's new remix CD “Exit Lights” is mind-blazingly genius. Just when you think there is no other style or creative way of presenting their material they pull a quick remix that would make almost any other band's remix sound like pennies in a dryer on a cold January morning in the middle of a pond (translation: it makes other bands sound really lame).

Another project making my ears scream for more is the new Skillet album. After "Collide" I wasn't sure where they would go. It was a departure from their "techno-ish" effects mixed with a pretty burly rock part. Collide opened a whole can of brilliance in the use of guitars, vocal effects, and string parts. “Collide” is Skillet's "Joshua Tree" or "Abbey Road". However, the new album "Comatose" has some phenomenal songs on board. It has a similar feel to "Collide" but a bit more commercial. It seems that Skillet is realizing their niche market and is catering to that market with snappier more polished work. It seems obvious that they know how critical "Collide" is to their career and "Comatose" seems to be an attempt to defend their market space while making a few tweaks to their style. All in all a solid effort and one I will be listening to repeatedly for a very long time (translation: until I go blissfully deaf by listening to it with the volume at 50+).

So the love song king wrote another "pop" album for all the love struck college girls out there (insert uncontrollable screaming here). John Mayer released “Continuum” a few weeks ago and I have had many good listens of his new project. John's music has decidedly changed. This is his first effort at producing as well as writing and recording an album. With that change comes a more mature sound (sorry college ladies). I think it is a nice change for him. He continues to appeal to the love sick but throws in a few brutal guitar riffs to keep everyone awake. It is a good album in that he breaks a few rules (i.e. writing music that will be worn out on superficial pop stations the world over). His new music is like the work of old: Some solid music for the sake of music and to make an album a whole work which is not intended to be sold in pieces. It is nice to see an artist do the old school (even his cover is old school). Oh, and John Mayer has inspired me on his blog. He has started making his own guitar effects pedals. This is a plan of mine as well. I am working on the design for the circuit boards and making a list of parts. I'll let you know how it goes (if i don't electrocute myself to death).

So I did the face recognition thing at myheritage.com which compares your face with celebrity faces. The program run all sorts of tests on the geometry of my face etc... and here are the results. I thought they were funny but finally my students are justified in calling me one of these celebrities (can you guess which one?).

Well, enough boring writing. Remember...you might be a redneck if your last physical was aboard a UFO.

Cheers,


GreekSpeedo

Just Call Me George Martin.

George Martin was the producer for the Beatles during all of their years as a band. He was the one who asked John Lennon to kick Pete Best off of the drums and find another drummer (one Richard Starkey –i.e. Ringo. He possesses the creative drumming technique of a human metronome. The most amazing thing is that it was exactly what The Beatles needed!). The Beatles and George Martin were knighted for their musical efforts.

Anyhow, our basement has been invaded (at least this is what the dog thought). No, it is not the constant flooding because the building should have been torn down 45 years ago. It is a little phenomena called "Seven Years Absence". They have been shopping around for a studio to record at and came and checked out my studio (Studio L18). I know the band quite well. I have known Nick (guitars) and Casey (vocals) since they were pudgy little 2nd or 3rd graders, Brian (Bass) from some improv acting we did together with Nick, Alan (guitars) I've known since he was a toddler and he was a student of mine, and Mike I've known for about 3 hours and didn't really have time to get to know him over the explosions coming from his drum set. Good guys. Here is the band's MySpace site.

Anyhow, we got to work right away trying to assemble rock-climbing equipment to make up for the lack of a mic stand (I really have no idea where it went). The guys seemed pleased and we have another date to record again. Currently, they are working on some material for a soundtrack to a movie being produced in Chicago. There is much work to be done on the first song but we have a rough track and things seem fairly good. It has been a while since I have been involved in some serious recording and I almost forgot how much fun it is.

I am truly shocked that they wanted to come back and record at Studio L18 again because it is so stinking small and I have no mic stands! I have it set up for one track at a time recording (which worked out fine) but the drum set in a room the size of two twin mattresses is a bone jarring experience. In fact, I went to my yearly teacher's physical and the doctor told me that my internal organs were gelled from all of the shocking rhythm (Note for the humor impaired: that was a joke.)

Ten days from now teaching resumes but until then I think we'll see if we can't knock loose another cinder block so that our constantly flooded basement is even worse. Who knows, maybe we'll be forced to move into a house that doesn't have the Amazon running through the walls onto the floor.
Until then, I hope that things continue to go well for this new band and I hope I never end up looking like George Martin (he is bald for goodness sakes!)...although I wouldn't mind being knighted.

Sir greekspeedoman

Skytrooper...Jump!

Crazy things are happening. The B-Budget film seems to have come to its conclusion (hidden meaning...Steven Segal killed Kevin Costner with his acting and then was abducted by the Cubans when they invaded the US from outer space). Actually, the script seemed to run out when we found a new-to-us car (one which is much better than the one which was stolen and wrecked). You can read about it at my lovely lady's blog.

Yesterday, we went to Sky Fest 2006 at Fairchild Air force Base. It was a lot of fun. I had a momentary brush with history. Those brushes with history are exhilarating and thought provoking. I have had these moments when standing in a German bunker on Omaha beach looking at where a grenade or shoulder launched rocked exploded against the wall and ceiling, standing on the D Day beaches and in the cemeteries with an odd feeling that I had arrived home, running my hand along a 100 ft. piece of the Berlin wall, Standing atop Hitler's bunker and looking over to the capital building where he came into power, walking through concentration camps and experiencing odd feelings of horror mixed with a peace only found in a park, looking down onto the lights of Tokyo and wondering what it was like that night Tokyo was firebombed, talking with elderly people in the Philippines about the American and Japanese occupation, and the list goes on. There are so many moments and I never expected yesterday to hold one of those moments...But it did.

We toured a Douglas C-53D "Skytrooper". It was originally manufactured in Santa Monica, CA for an airliner but was used by the military for service during WWII. It was modified to carry paratroopers and tow gliders. In fact, this airplane (which still flies) flew with the second wave of paratroopers during the D-Day invasion. It transported the paratroopers of the 82nd airborne (All American) and the 101st airborne (Screamin' Eagles). The 101st has recently been the feature of Stephen Ambrose's book turned miniseries "The Band of Brothers". The C-53D also flew missions over Bastogne, FR during the battle of the Bulge when the ill-equipped 101st airborne was pinned down by the Germans during one of the most brutal winters (and battles) seen in Europe.

What was amazing, for me, was to walk through this airplane. The seats where the paratroopers sat are metal with seat belts the cockpit a simple endeavor (simpler than Cessnas I flew while in college). What struck me, though, was what had occurred in that fuselage. How many prayers had been prayed as the plane was being shocked by German anti-aircraft fire. How many of those men thought of parents, spouses, children, and friends? How many jumped from the door in which I entered and never made it home to see those people they loved so dearly? I picture them sitting there stone faced with glazed eyes being jolted with every shock from exploding flack. Ready to fling themselves into battle but scared to do so. Checking their gear and the 80 lb leg pack (which most cut off as soon as possible) and mentally preparing themselves to fall to the earth and find themselves instantly surrounded. What an amazing place are those 27 seats.

To make the experience more mind blowing, a man sat at the back of the cockpit. He was in his WWII dress uniform. He flew 24 missions over Europe in B-17s. Since I am a history nerd I recognized several things about this retired pilot. Among the metals decorating the front of his uniform there were two which interested me. The first was above his right pocket and indicated that he fought in operation Overlord (D-Day). Another metal over his left pocket indicated that he was wounded during the war. At the rear of the plane stood a man who piloted B-29s over the South Pacific. So there is another moment in time to remember. Another brush with D-Day. Another exciting and sobering experience.

I wonder how many people, as they tour that plane, will even think about what it means. They come in with their cotton candy, tennis shoes, and denim shorts and jockey for the front of the line or the best seat. Yet, they are oblivious of what that plane really is. Below are some more photos I shot during the air show (click on the photos for bigger shots).

F-15E in full after burner just shy of the sound barrier.
F-15E in a knife edge turn. Click for a bigger picture and see the moisture coming off of the wings! The pilot is experiencing about 7 times the normal pull of gravity.

F-117 Stealth Fighter (protected by armed guards with authorization to use deadly force).

This one is known for being sneaky (same goes for the airplane)...here comes that deadly force!

F-18 Hornet and the P-51 Mustang flying in formation. I'm a little proud of this one since the moon is in the background and the set up is pretty good.

The Thunderbird team (F-16C).

Thunderbirds in the classic diamond formation.

4 Thunderbirds with one threading its way between them. Click on picture for a better view. Another picture I am happy to have shot. They are going about 700 mph. Timing is critical.
From afar in a coordinated inverted roll while in formation.

Straight up and silent. The roar followed shortly after this photo.

Later, greekspeedoman

The B budget Film continues...

Kevin Costner here with act 3 of the B-budget film. Yes, it is true. The 2006 summer drama continues. First it was a flash flood. Then a local house and out building caught fire and burned.

Now, in a strange twist of fate, we only have one car. The very car (pictured in my post "Flash Flood @ Home") which saved our lives during the flash flood was stolen by bad people with beer last Tuesday night. They proceeded to treat it poorly and eventually drove it into a tree, bush, and someone's fence. We were out of town and the police had trouble getting a hold of us but eventually we awoke to a startling phone call. Our car was involved in a hit and run. At one point, the police were wondering if my wife was involved because her name was on the title.

My wife, of course, wasn't there (as far as I know....hmmmmm). It isn't like her to crash her car into a fence and leave it running at 12:04 am. The police weren't able to catch the suspects because they were elsewhere doing important police related business (giving a ticket to a speeding bicyclist or something equally important). Apparently, catching two punk thieves, with a screwdriver capable to destroying both front leather seats, an entire dashboard, and a steering column, don't rate high on the police "to-catch" list.

Okay, sarcasm aside. The police were very helpful (Thank-you officer Watson...YES, that is his real name...And yes he is a Private Investigator). Watson is no elementary P.I.. Also, the mechanic who had our car when it was stolen is also a very nice guy and helpful. Even the thieves were nice and left about 16 cans of unopened cheap beer in our back seat. Our insurance company totaled the car and so now we are down to the "nice" car (heavy sarcasm). The "nice" car has 320,000 miles on it, broken door locks, about 6 feet of cracks in the windshield. So basically, I have nothing to worry about. Someone could look at it wrong and I'd be out $10. At least that one wont' be as horrifying to work with if it gets ruined.

Speaking of horrifying...I just finished reading "HOUSE" by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti. I read it in about 18 hours (380 pages). Needless to say, it is really good. It messes with the mind. It is also going to be a movie in 2007 (although I won't see it because the book was giving me bladder problems from fright). That is about all I will say here.

Speaking of finishing up business. Sometime, I plan to make a post of our sun valley trip. Keep posted and you'll see that and perhaps pictures of the wrecked car.



Later,

Kevin Costner

A Series of Fortunate or Unfortunate Events

It's been a while since my last posting. So far, this has been a crazy summer. I spent a week in Utah doing some recruiting at a camp meeting. Most of the people at the camp meeting were older than the bricks the school is made of so things didn't go especially well. But I finished a good book ("Monster" by Frank Peretti). It is not his best but still fun. I also had some fun theological "fights" with some Mormon people. We had fun and left as friends (neither party completely understanding the other). That was fun.

There are several things that have happened recently. Here are a few of the most exciting.

My last post was about the Spangle flood. We must be some sort of B budget film out here because now we've had a house fire as well. I turned down the firefighters, when they asked me to join them, because I knew I would have to deal with medical things I don't want to deal with. So, not as a fireman, I helped take personal belongings out of a burning building. (between the flood and this fire I might as well call myself Kevin Costner or some other lame action "hero").

Speaking of fires and that of passion and love, RJ and Katie got married. A nice wedding in Wally World. A nice program with some humor and a simple yet elegant atmosphere. Kudos to the new family and may you achieve all of your goals together!

In related, goal achieving, news...I am rooting for Portugal in the World Cup. We got heavy exposure to Portugal when they were playing Greece in the 2004 Euro Cup. We were fortunate enough to be in Athens for several months during the Olympics and when Greece beat Portugal in the Euro Cup. This means we got to see 10 Million insane Greeks flood the streets of Athens to make the earth literally shake for their heroes. So far, things have been going OK for Portugal. Their last game had a Russian official with the intellectual capacity of an empty tube of toothpaste. As a result, they are playing England 2 players short. Their chances seem slim but I still root for them. Figo is my fav. player. He is so smooth.

Smooth athletes also goes with another recent event. The Iron Man Coeur d'Alene. DJ P Freddy did it this year (see his bike photo). YAY Freddy! It is a 2.5 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, followed by a full marathon run (26 miles). I understand the Iron Man committee was contemplating setting fire to all participants and feeding them to wild boar in addition to the normal events. The proposition was voted down on the basis that the Iron Man participants would already be dead at the end of the swim, bike, and run (for the humor impared: that last two sentences were a joke). I actually saw a man wearing a Speedo at this event! He was German however and cannot be displayed on this blog (for numerous horrific reasons...none of which have to do with the fact that he is German). Some of the bicycles I saw appear to be more valuable than the gross domestic product of Uruguay and others looked really sad.

On a happy note, we put in a fence and Zoe is beside herself with excitement. It was our first major accomplishment of the year (since last week was my first week off). It is really nice to know that the puppy is safe and that she can dig, run, and roll in do do (this actually happened...it was in her ear!) as much as she likes. Speaking of yard work...if anyone knows how to get thistles out of a lawn I would really appreciate it. I keep killing them with spray but they are like the Christians of the early church. The more you kill them the more they multiply. I even say "die pagan scum" when I spray each one (and that is the honest truth).

I have also started growing my own herbal teas. Here is a picture of my camomile. I think I'll have quite a bit this year. I am excited about this prospect. I have researched growing tea for about a year and finally decided to do it. So now I can pull out my little plastic baggy with plant product in it and honestly say "I grow my own."

Anyhoo, next week we will be in Sun Valley living it up and this week I am starting my work on my 3 college classes for this summer.

In unrelated but exciting news, I love Hooverphonic's new album and Portishead is coming out with a new one (their first in 10 years). So basically the world of trip hop is treating me well.

So until the next natural disaster...

greekspeedoman (AKA Kevin Costner)