Taking the Challenge: Irony

In my previous post, I ripped on Alanis Morrisette's 1990's radio hit "Isn't It Ironic". dr spartacus requested that I rewrite the lyrics of her song (most of which I argued were not ironic) so that they actually were ironic. Here is dr spartacus's request:

"Request:
I would like the Greek Speedoman to re-write the words of this classic '90's hit so that the situations of each line remains basically the same (knives vs. spoons, etc.), but are actually ironic."

SO, I thought I would take the challenge. As stated in my previous blog, I believe one of her statements is actually ironic (a man afraid of flying who dies his first time on a plane).

The original lyric will be featured in Blue and my comments/additions will be in green. I have made no attempt at keeping the rhythm and pace of the song the same. I am simply concerned with attempting to make these statements ACTUALLY ironic.

1. An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day when he realized how much money he had won.

2. It's a black fly in your Chardonnay that you're drinking to celebrate killing off a plague of flies.

3.It's a death row pardon two minutes too late for someone who is guilty.

4. It's like rain on your wedding day and you're the wicked witch in the wizard of Oz.

5. It's a free ride when you've already paid but the free ride is from a serial killer.

6. Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
(I agree with this one. However, what would make it more ironic is if the man didn't know that he was in fact...Superman.)

7. A traffic jam when you're already late for a meeting about the efficiency of a city's road systems.

8. A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break and you're the Marlboro man.

9. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife to open the packaging of your new knife.

10. It's meeting the man of my dreams -who is not attracted to you-
And then meeting his beautiful wife -who is attracted to you-

So there is my attempt at creating ACTUAL irony. This was a fun assignment. Let me know how I did.

Here are a few more lines that are not/somewhat ironic but are funny.

3.It's a death row pardon two minutes too late because of daylight savings time.
3.It's a death row pardon two minutes too late because the messenger was murdered.
4. It's like rain on your wedding day and you're a weather man.
1. An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day when he was defending himself from his greedy children.
1. An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day leaving his fortune to Anna Nichole Smith.
5. It's a free ride when you've already paid for a ride on the Titanic.
5. It's a free ride when you've already paid for a ride in Paris Hilton's car.
It's the good advice you just didn't take because you're Dr. Phil.